I’m not saying German food changed my life—but let’s just say, after enough schnitzel, sauerkraut, and German chocolate cake, I started questioning my ancestry, my destiny, and my pants size.
Yes, it’s true. For most of my life, I strutted around under the delusion that I had German roots. With surnames like Holt and Kissel in the family tree, I figured I was as German as a bratwurst at Oktoberfest. Spoiler alert: I’m not. DNA tests don’t lie—but the food is so good, I’ve decided to stay spiritually German anyway.
This delicious identity crisis inspired me to create something I’ve been dying to share with you: my new German Recipe Collection—a hearty, humorous, and hunger-inducing tribute to one of the world’s most beloved cuisines.
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Let me give you a taste (figuratively, for now):
White Asparagus Delights from Bond – Did you know Germans throw a literal asparagus festival every spring? Neither did I, until I found myself swooning over a soup so elegant I nearly proposed to the bowl.
The Best Pork Schnitzel in Germany – I rode a train from Bond to Cologne just to test my colleague’s theory that German schnitzel is better than love. Verdict: love is great, but schnitzel comes with paprika.
German Potato Salad, Evolved by Gail – My wife took the humble spud and gave it a Dijon-laced makeover that’s so tangy, I’m legally required to serve it at every summer cookout. It’s our house’s second religion.
Sauerkraut and Misguided Ancestry – My lifelong love of fermented cabbage turned out to have absolutely no roots in actual German heritage. Does that stop me from stuffing kraut into pretzel bites? Absolutely not.
German Chocolate Cake Extravaganza – This isn’t just a dessert; it’s a life event. And when my wife makes it from scratch? I start finding extra chores around the house just to earn a slice.
Each recipe in this collection comes with its own quirky backstory, a few lessons learned (usually the hard way), and beverage pairings that might just make you break out into spontaneous Oompa music. Whether you’re here for the comfort food, the cultural nods, or to commiserate with my misguided genealogy, you’ll find something to love.
So grab your apron, pour yourself a frosty glass of Kölsch or a chilled Riesling, and come laugh (and cook!) with me.
Click here to dive into the full German Recipe Collection – and remember: you don’t need to be German to eat like one.
