As a lifelong lover of humor and an unrepentant admirer of farce, I take particular delight in stories that masterfully blend structure, timing, and sheer absurdity. Perhaps it’s the engineer in me that appreciates a well-constructed narrative, or maybe it’s the writer in me that marvels when a tale unfolds with near-flawless comedic precision. Whatever the reason, I can confidently say that The Baldwin Pond Incident—our cover story from September 2024—is one of the best examples of English farce disguised as a gardening story that I have ever had the pleasure of publishing.

Written by the immensely talented Susan York Morris, this delightful tale captures the grand human folly of backyard projects, the unwavering optimism of DIY gardeners, and the universe’s wicked sense of humor when hubris meets horticulture. Even non-gardeners will find themselves laughing out loud at the comic misadventure that unfolds.

A Vision, A Pond, and a Spectacularly Unfortunate Decision

The story begins with an innocent enough premise: the author and her husband, Jeff, decide to build a New Orleans-inspired courtyard and a tranquil backyard water feature to mask the sounds of city life. Like any well-laid plan, the project is fueled by enthusiasm, meticulous preparation, and an unwavering belief that everything will go smoothly.

Spoiler alert: it does not.

With the relentless heat of summer bearing down, the couple soldiers on, wielding shovels against stubborn Wisconsin clay and wrestling with the gnarled roots of a villainous horse chestnut tree ominously referred to as The Beast. (Any gardener who has ever engaged in hand-to-root combat will relate to this struggle.) But the true turning point in this farce is not the tree—it is a seemingly innocuous decision made by our intrepid narrator in the name of comfort.

Faced with the suffocating heat, Morris, in a moment of rational (yet fateful) clarity, chooses to forgo undergarments while digging the pond. What could possibly go wrong?

A Kneecap, A Gravel Path, and a Slow-Motion Rescue

What follows is a sequence of events so comically timed that it could be the highlight of a Monty Python sketch. One ill-fated shovel stroke leads to a sudden, agonizing knee injury, leaving the author incapacitated at the bottom of a half-dug pond. Jeff, ever the gallant husband, scrambles to devise a plan to transport his wounded wife to urgent care.

But therein lies the problem.

Morris, in excruciating pain yet unwavering in her priorities, refuses medical attention until she is properly attired. After all, generations of mothers have drilled into their children’s heads the importance of wearing respectable undergarments “just in case of an accident.” And here she is, having an accident without them.

Cue the ridiculous (and utterly brilliant) spectacle of Jeff dragging his wife across a gravel path on a makeshift comforter-sled, determined to get her to the car while she maintains some semblance of dignity.

The culmination of this comedy of errors? A nurse at urgent care, who—when let in on the undergarment situation—admits to the author in a whispered confession: “Neither am I.”

It’s moments like these that elevate The Baldwin Pond Incident from a mere gardening misadventure to a masterclass in comedic storytelling.

Why You Need to Read the Whole Story

Morris’s writing is nothing short of brilliant. The pacing, the self-deprecating humor, and the sheer absurdity of the situation are executed with such deft precision that the reader can’t help but be swept along in a tide of laughter. The Baldwin Pond Incident is more than just a story about digging a pond—it’s a testament to the unexpected chaos of backyard projects, the perils of heat-induced decision-making, and the enduring hilarity of life’s little humiliations.

If you enjoy tales of gardening misadventures, the triumph of human stubbornness over common sense, or simply a well-constructed comedic escapade, then I urge you to read the full story.

You can find The Baldwin Pond Incident in our September 2024 issue of GreenPrints—and trust me, you won’t regret it.

I’d love to know what this story stirred up in you, leave a comment below.