Read by Matilda Longbottom

On the 12th Day of Christmas my true love gave to me

A box of chocolate truffles

A négligée with ruffles

The finest French cologne

A convertible of my own

A necklace made of pearls

A silver comb for my curls

First-class tickets to Rome

A nine-bedroom home

A full-length ranch mink

A Harley-Davidson painted pink

Dom Perignon to drink

And some Bypass Pruners for my Pear Tree!

On the 12th day of Christmas I said: “Thanks dear, but you see

I’m allergic to truffles

Look ghastly in ruffles

Cologne makes me sneeze

Convertibles make me freeze

Pearls seem kind of chilly

And the comb just looks silly

Love Rome, but I’ve seen it

Nine bedrooms? Who’d clean it?

I could never wear fur

And the Harley? No sir

Champagne is too bubbly

But I’m happy as can be

With the Bypass Pruners for my Pear Tree!”

—By Janet Davis. (You can find more of her humor and other writing at www.beautifulbotany.com.)