Master Gardeners do a lot of community service, including answering questions from home gardeners, often on community garden hotlines. Erv Evans, from the North Carolina state Master Gardener program, has over the years collected some truly, uh, unusual queries. How would you handle the following?

When I moved into my new house, the builder said I should water my new lawn three times a day. How long should I continue to do this?

How long have you lived there?

Seven years.

Ladybugs are eating all my plants! What can I spray to get rid of them?

Can I spray paint the bags of bagworms and use them as Christmas ornaments?

I have a plant in my yard. I do not know what it is, and it has been there a long while. Do you know what it is?

There are alien eggs hatching in my compost pile. Can you come and take them away?

What disease did the peach tree I cut down last year have?

I want to grow kudzu. How do I get started?

My husband cut a limb out of our apple tree. Can I graft another limb in to make it look more balanced?

I want a list of conical evergreen shrubs that stay under three feet tall and never need pruning.

How do you plant bluegrass sod? Green side up or green side down?

Can I put formaldehyde on my vegetable garden to kill the fusarium wilt on my tomatoes?

Is this a good time to plant containerized plants? I took out all of my shrubs and trees and put them in the garage before the hurricane last fall. Now I want my garage back.

I have atheists on my house plants! How do I get rid of them? ❖